


My Hands Are Real

by pedromiamor



Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Comfort, First Kiss, Idiots in Love, M/M, Sappy, Sharing a Bed, Shoulder Massage, Some Spanish, Spooning, back massage, gentle kisses, javi helps him, javi is a baker, javi is a poet, soft, steve is stressed tf out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:27:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29500611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pedromiamor/pseuds/pedromiamor
Summary: Javier attempts at relieving some of Steve’s noticeable stress and tension, getting more than he bargained for.
Relationships: Steve Murphy/Javier Peña
Comments: 12
Kudos: 33





	My Hands Are Real

**Author's Note:**

  * For [claveldelaire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/claveldelaire/gifts).



> to my long lost love 6,000 miles away 
> 
> i want to mail you things but you’re far away
> 
> yes more poems

Javier knew the signs of when his partner would begin to let stress get the better of him. 

His shoulders would sit tense all day, his brow would constantly be furrowed, the lines of his forehead would be plenty and more pronounced, he wouldn’t eat, his hair would be disheveled, he’d wear the same clothes back to back, his face would be molded into a hard expression, and his knee would never stop bouncing. 

Javier could go on listing everything else but it’d take at least another week to mention it all. 

It’d gotten worse since Connie left a month ago. Steve was usually a tense guy who let stress overcome him during long hours of work. Having someone to go home to each night and use as a medium to alleviate the pain helped in that never being a problem. Now he had no one. No one to help him ease his nerves. No alternative to just relax. 

Javier was there. He always would be. Watching, waiting, ready to help Steve whenever he asked. But he never did. Javier decided to take matters into his own hands and try to give Steve a break for once in this shitty life down in Colombia. 

Javier brings a box of tea bags to work the next day and a small container of mini blueberry muffins he’d made the night before. The tea was a lavender chamomile that Javier had seen Steve drinking on several occasions. He also brought along a small jar of orange blossom honey. Steve was very fond of adding that to his teas and even his muffins. Blueberry were his favorite. That much Javier knew. The chocolate ones were too sweet and the lemon poppy had too many seeds. 

Javier stands by the coffee machine pouring hot water over a single tea bag into Steve’s favorite red mug. He lets the bag seep for the appropriate amount of time before discarding it. He takes a spoon and drizzles close to same amount as Steve does into the hot liquid, stirring it real nice. He pours his own coffee and returns to their desks. 

“Are those muffins?” Steve asks pointing at the little container on Javier’s desk. He sets the tea in front of Steve and sits down. 

“Blueberry. Why don’t you have some? I know you didn’t eat.” 

Steve looks from the tea to Javier and back again. “What’s this?” 

Javier’s smile is barely there behind his own mug. “I could tell you, but I’ll just let you try it.” 

Steve scrunches his nose at that but takes a careful sip from his mug after blowing on the hot liquid. His eyes widen slightly as he takes another drink. He doesn’t ask Javier how he knew Steve’s favorite tea or how he knew the exact way he likes to drink it. He just smiles softly. “Thanks for bringing muffins. I’m starving.”

Steve eats all the blueberry muffins. Javier can’t find it in him to care. 

Javier brings lemon bars the next day. He’d swiped through a baking recipe book at the store and hurriedly wrote down the recipe for them so he could make them later that night. He could’ve just bought the book but that would’ve cost him extra money. 

Steve’s eyes light up when he sees the little container Javier’s holding as he walks in. He almost chuckles at the innocence of it. Of being delighted by baked goods in the middle of a drug war. Steve looks more relaxed today. His shoulders aren’t as drawn up and his face isn’t as cold. Javier assumes that as a small win as he goes to make Steve his tea for the day. 

Javier continues this pattern for the next few days. He brings cheesecake brownies, maple pecan scones, apple fritters, and even cinnamon donuts. All by his own hand in the only mindset of keeping Steve off his dangerous edge. He continues supplying him with tea and his delighted honey just to watch his muscles slowly ease through the morning. 

He almost panics when he walks into work the next morning to find a very bad-looking Steve. 

His shoulders and back are pulled tight with tension and the skin just below his eyes is bruised with exhaustion. His hair isn’t laying neatly on his head and he looks like he’s just about ready to punch a guy. Javier becomes even more nervous at the fact that he ran out of orange blossom honey yesterday and couldn’t find any at the market. He bought a different kind in hopes that Steve would enjoy a change of flavor. 

He sets his box of almond blueberry muffins on his desk before going about preparing Steve’s tea. He almost frowns when he returns to his desk and sees the box unopened. Usually Steve is already halfway through eating everything by the time Javier comes back with his tea. The box sits there untouched. 

He sets the mug next to Steve and opens the box, pushing it more toward his partner. Steve glances up at the muffins with a little twitch to his lips. “Why do you keep bringing me tea first thing you get here. You don’t drink chamomile in the morning. You drink coffee. And are you trying to make me fat by bringing me breakfast every day?” 

He sounds tired. More tired than he'd sounded in the past week. “The chamomile eases the muscles in your back. You’re tense all the time, and I don’t need my partner walking around sore because he can’t relax.” Steve raises a brow at him and Javier shrugs. “I like to bake, fuck off.” 

Steve’s face morphs into something of disbelief and doubt. “You mean you make all this shit? I thought you were just buying it.” 

“You have such little faith in me Murphy.” 

Steve takes one of the muffins and almost eats the whole thing in one bite. Javier makes a face at that but watches in anticipation as he reaches for his tea. “What the fuck did you put in this?” he says almost immediately after taking a sip. His expression is unreadable. 

Javier feels his confidence deflate and is replaced with subtle disappointment in himself. “I ran out of orange blossom yesterday and they were out at the market. The vendor told me he liked that one more so I just went with it. I can make you another without it if it’s that bad.”

Steve frowns. “Bad? This is better than the orange blossom and I demand to know where you got it.”

Javier’s lips curl in a tiny smile. “It’s cinnamon clover honey. There’s a little shop next to the flower stand by that restaurant we always go to for lunch. It’s called ‘Miel de los Cielos’. There’s quite a variety inside.”

Steve hums as he sips his tea, and Javier watches his body slowly relax until he reaches the bottom of his mug. 

Steve shows up to work the next day a few minutes after Javier. His tea is already sitting at his desk and there’s an open box of cranberry walnut scones next to it. He notices a small vase sitting between their desks and makes a face at Javier. “What’s that for?”

Javier doesn’t glance up from the paper he’s skimming. “Lavender. It smells nice.” Javier wasn’t lying about the smell, but he truly only got it to help ease Steve’s stress. Lavender was supposedly a great smell for that. 

“I prefer jasmine, but lavender’s nice.” 

Javier comes to work early the next day just to add the white, cream, and yellow jasmine’s he’d bought to the vase of lavender. Neither of them comment on the addition. 

Javier spends the entire next morning chewing on his lip and bouncing his leg under the table. There’s an unopened box of bagels next to him and a cold mug of tea on the desk before him. It’s almost lunch time and there’s no Steve. 

Javier had paged him several times and even called his apartment phone. Of course neither attempt had been answered. He wants to leave the office and go look for Steve himself or drag him out of bed, but Messina was clear that if he left the building he wouldn’t be coming back. Apparently doing your job was more important than figuring out where your idiot of a partner was. 

Javier tries to tell himself Steve is okay and that he shouldn’t be overreacting. Steve could handle himself. He was a fucking DEA agent. But that small part of Javier - the one he only brought out alone in the comfort of his bed - is worried fucking sick for his partner. 

He only lets out a deep sigh of breath when he sees that stupid blonde mustachioed idiot slump toward his desk after everyone’s eaten their lunch. His eyes are heavy and bruised with lack of good sleep, but he tries to smile at Javier anyway. “Sorry. Blacked out in a bar last night and left my pager in the jeep.” He’s wearing the same clothes as yesterday. His hair is completely out of place and he smells like vodka and nicotine. 

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Javier growls. He tosses the bagels in front of Steve and stalks off to find a water bottle and some painkillers.

Steve eats all the bagels left in the box and chugs the water Javier brings him along with a couple painkillers. He gets himself another bottle of the cold liquid and is already feeling less nauseous. Javier doesn’t even know why he bothered coming into work today. 

“I didn’t want to leave you with all the work load. I would’ve felt bad, and I had no business drinking so much last night. I feel fine though. I’m not drunk anymore I promise.” Javier considers him for a moment. His muscles look overly tight and his face is all scrunched up in worry like he’s afraid he’s going to get yelled at. He looks like shit, but he doesn’t look drunk. 

“Why did you drink so much last night then?”

Steve only shakes his head as he looks down to his papers. “Maybe later.” 

Javier keeps watch over Steve for the rest of the day. He was still worried about him. No one gets black out drunk for no reason and then still shows up to work. He could tell that his hangover was killing him and that it only made him stress worse. He tried telling him to go home, but Steve refused and told him to just leave it alone. 

When the day began to wind down and most of the office had left already, Javier makes to leave as well. He notices Steve is staying put and making no move to wrapping up his work. “Are you coming?” They always left work at the same time.

“No. I have to stay and catch up.”

Javier gives him a pleading look that was completely ignored. “You don’t have-”

“Peña just let me do it. I missed half a day of work for no reason. I’m staying.”

Javier looks around the office at the other two people milling about. He throws his jacket back on its hook and sits down. “Then I’m staying too.”

“Javi-”

“Get your work done Murphy.” 

They don’t say anything to each other as Steve endlessly searches through his papers and Javier just sort of does whatever. He’s just staying for Steve’s sake. It’s not like he has anything better to do. 

The two people that were still milling about had left almost twenty minutes ago. They were alone in the dim lights of the stuffy office. 

Javier was watching Steve again. His eyes kept drooping and his head looked heavy, like he was about ready to pass out any second. His shoulders were drawn tight toward his neck and his face set in a hard frown. The lines were back in his forehead and his brows had been scrunched all day. He looked stiff. And constipated. 

Javier eventually sighs in pity for his partner. Standing from his chair, he makes his way around their desks and positions himself behind Steve. He feels the man jump under his fingers when he gently presses his hands into the backs of his shoulders. “Jav-” turns quickly into a sigh when he starts pressing the heels of his hands into the tense muscle there. 

Javier rolls his thumbs over his shoulder blades and reaches up to dig his fingers into the dip of skin above his collarbone. Steve let’s go of the document in his hand, dropping his arms to his sides and leaning his head back against Javier’s stomach. “Relájate,” he says softly, “you’re so tense Murphy.” 

Steve let’s out another sigh as Javier’s hands and fingers continue to work the muscles in his shoulders. His thumbs move to the jut in the back of his neck and rub hard circles into his skin. His force isn’t too harsh but it’s not too light either. “Javi,” he yawns. 

“Mm?” he hums back. He realizes that his eyes are closed. 

“If you keep doing that I’m going to fall asleep in my chair and I want to at least eat something before that happens.”

Javier’s hands quit their movements. “You want me to stop?”

Steve makes a disgruntled sound in his throat. “Well no, but I...can we go back to your place? I want to eat something, shower, then you can finish. I promise.” 

Steve’s eyes are sincere when he turns around to look at him. He looks better than he did five minutes ago. “Alright. I can make you a sandwich.” 

Javier stands alone in his apartment as he puts something together for Steve to eat. He’s in his own apartment at the moment showering because Javier had told him he didn’t want his apartment smelling like cheap vodka. 

He’s got a small sandwich waiting for Steve next to another vase with flowers. This one also has jasmines and lavender arranged in it. He took a liking to both the smells after trying to help Steve. He fixes him a cup of his favorite tea with the cinnamon clove honey stirred in. He’s sitting at the table when Steve walks in. 

He smiles after the first bite of his food. “You always know what I’m craving.”

Javier shrugs. “No. I just know that you’d rather have dijon mustard with your turkey and swiss than regular mustard.”

“You also know what my favorite tea is, the way I take it with honey, which flavors of certain treats I like, that I never make my own breakfast, and that I absolutely kill for lemon bars.” Javier’s silent as Steve watches him. “What makes me so special Agent Peña?”

“I just pay attention. Drink your tea.” 

Steve goes to put his own dishes in the sink when he spots a container on the counter. “What are those?” he asks curiously. He reaches to open it but Javier smacks his hand away. 

“Chocolate cherry streusel cakes. They’re for tomorrow. At work.” Javier fixes a teasing glare at him. “You want to do this on the couch or in the bed?”

Steve’s face flushes at the question. “The couch is fine.”

“Just lay down and put your head on the pillow. I’ll work your back muscles out.” Steve does as he’s told, stretching along the length of the couch and burying his head in the pillow that smells way too much like Javier’s cologne. It’s musky with hints of whiskey and an orange-y chocolate. He takes a deep breath in the scent and closes his eyes. He feels more relaxed already. 

He doesn’t flinch this time when Javier’s hands smooth lightly over his back. He’s perched on the edge of the coffee table and leaning over Steve. His hands are rubbing diligently over his back muscles. He’s not pressing hard yet or even working his fingers into the kinks, just feeling his warmth. 

Steve sighs when Javier finally presses the heels of his palms into his lower back. He presses firmly from side to side and all the way to his neck. He circles his thumbs there again like earlier before moving back down. This time he’s rolling his knuckles in sideways motions then up and down. Steve brings his arms up to the pillow to hug it more closely to his face, breathing in the intoxicating smell.

“Oh pobrecito,” Javier says softly, “Murphy your entire back is in knots. How does it not hurt all day?”

Steve’s reply is muffled against the pillow.

“Don’t be a dumbass. I can’t hear you.”

Steve turns his head on the pillow to look at Javier with sleepy eyes. “It does hurt all day but unlike you I don’t cry about it.”

Javier frowns and stops his ministrations. “I have never cried about things. At least not in front of you.”

“No, but you do whine.” Javier wants to argue so bad, but he knows Steve’s right. “Got nothing to say? Didn’t think so. Keep doing that thing with your knuckles it feels nice.” 

Javier resumes his movements over Steve’s back, listening to his little hums and sighs. He rolls his knuckles, works his palms, digs his heels, rubs his thumbs, and kneads his fingers all over the expanse of Steve’s back to get rid of every single tiny pain that’s been bothering him for the past couple weeks. “Murphy?” he asks quietly. 

Steve makes a noise in the back of his throat. 

“Why did you drink so much last night?” 

Steve turns his head to look at him again. His face is almost angry at him for bringing it up. He reaches his hand back to grab one of Javier’s wrists. “Will you stop touching me for a second?” Javier’s face falls and he takes his hands away from the warm back. Steve doesn’t let his hand go. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just wanted your full attention.” 

Javier watches Steve intently. “You have it.” His eyes are bright. How precious. 

“Thank you,” he says, “for all you’ve done this past week. I know I’m a pain in the ass and I haven’t been my best these past few weeks, but you’ve helped. I know you’ve been making me tea and baking me treats to help me feel better. It’s been working. I promise.” 

Steve squeezes Javier’s wrist again before sliding his hand over his palm and gently threading his fingers into a soft hold. Javier’s heart picks up and he wills his breathing to remain normal. “But?”

Steve sighs. “I accidentally fell asleep on my couch once I got home from work yesterday. I had a nightmare and it shook me pretty good. I went to the bar so I could drink it all away. I guess I went a little overboard. I just couldn’t get the images and feelings of what happened out of my head. They kept replaying and I didn’t know what was real anymore.” 

Javier didn’t need to ask what the nightmare was about. He’d had his fair share of them down here already, and he could guess what it’d been about just by how hard his hand was being squeezed. He reaches his free hand up to Steve’s face to brush over his cheek. “This is real. I’m real.” He catches his thumb on the corner of Steve’s mouth. “My hands are real.” 

Steve smiles and lets out a laugh. “I know that Javi.” 

Javier leans forward to press a kiss to the bridge of his nose. He feels eyelashes flutter against his skin, so he kisses those as well. 

“Dame un beso,” Steve whispers.

“Acabo de hacer,” he chuckles. 

“En los labios.” 

Steve turns to his back as Javier’s hand slides to rest on the back of his neck. He abandons the coffee table to straddle Steve on the couch and leans forward to kiss him gently. It only lasts a second. Their lips barely touch as Javier wanted to make sure he was doing the right thing. 

They meet each other’s eyes with their lips ghosting over the others. Javier’s never seen them so up close before. They’re blue with little hazel specks smattered through the iris. He wants to drown in those eyes even if he does know how to swim. 

Steve tilts his chin up to meet Javier in another kiss. It’s still gentle, soft tugs of hair and careful nips of teeth, but their tongues meet in a fervent passion that ignites a fire within Javier’s chest. He wants to take Steve apart. To have him. To hold him. To love him. His touch is electrifying.

Javier makes a noise against Steve’s lips when he tastes the dijon mustard on his tongue from earlier. He’s so soft. So sweet. Javier could just melt at the hands clutching his waist and the lips satisfying his own. 

“Eres precioso,” he says into Steve’s lips, “me encanta tocarte.” Steve grinds Javier’s bottom lip between his teeth. “Y cuidar de ti. Estoy perdido en tus ojos. No puedo ver sin ti. Eres mi luz y mi cielo.”

“Stop talking for one more minute,” Steve mutters. He kisses Javier a last time with his face in his hands. Their mustaches are tickling each other and their breathing shallow. Steve finally let’s go of Javier and pulls his lips away. Javier lays the side of his face on the pillow and nuzzles his nose into Steve’s hair. 

“Necesito que estés en mi vida, en mis brazos. No dejo de pensar en ti. No puedo dejar de amarte.” 

“Te amo,” Steve says simply. 

Javier feels his hand tighten slightly in Steve’s hair. “Sí?”

Steve turns to face him, their noses bumping together. “Sí. Eres mi amor, mi amado, mi corazón, mi cariño, y mi Javi.” 

Javier blushes with a teasing smile. “Who taught you to speak like that?”

“The dictionary.”

Javier laughs and kisses his chin. “That why it sounded so awful coming from your mouth?” 

Steve shoves him of the couch and climbs to his own feet. “I’m going to bed.”

Javier grabs for his legs from the floor with a look of worry. “Wait, wait. Aren’t you going to stay here?” 

Steve smiles at the almost frantic tone in his voice. As if he would ever leave Javier. He squats down to smooth over his hair. “That’s why I was walking toward your bedroom. Come on. You had your fun and now it’s time for me to spoon you.” 

Javier’s buzzing with giddiness as he makes his way to his side of the bed. He loves to be the little spoon. 

Steve takes him in his arms and pulls him back so he’s pressed tightly to his body. He wraps both his arms around his waist and fishes around for a hand to grasp. He tucks one leg under Javier’s butt and tangles the other in his own legs. 

They’re silent in the dark, feeling each others heartbeats and listening to their breaths. “Tell me something romantic Javi.” 

Javier circles his thumb over the back of Steve’s hand and sighs at the feel of a kiss behind his ear. 

“In fields of lavender  
with jasmine at our crown  
I’ll fish you acacias  
for our homeward bound 

Trios of tulips  
in bouquets of carnations  
I’ll pick you peonies  
with a love newfound

Tall as sunflowers  
on miles of lilies  
I’ll bring you orchids  
for days around 

Be a chrysanthemum  
or folds of a rose  
I’ll find you gardenias  
with our world unwound

Plenty as lilac  
with longevity of camellia  
I’ll be your daisy  
for our love inbound.”

Steve let’s out a deep breath into Javier’s hair and squeezes him tighter. “What was that?” 

“I thought it was romantic.” 

“I didn’t know you were such a flower man.”

“You said you liked jasmines. I brushed up on the subject.” 

Steve feels his heart swell and his skin flush warm. He props himself up on his elbow to lean over Javier’s body and presses a kiss to his lips. Javier hums into it, wondering if he’d ever get tired of the way his lips buzzed every time Steve touched them. “You are romantic,” he says before resuming his previous position. 

They sleep comfortably with no nightmares or stress induced tension. They just sleep. With each other and with love. 

In the morning, Javier brings chocolate cherry streusel cakes and makes Steve his tea. He stirs cinnamon clover honey into his favorite red mug and returns to his seat with half the treats already gone. The lavender and jasmine in the vase between them smells sweet and comforting. 

Later, Javier will recite some more of his well-thought poetry to Steve. 

Steve will kiss him after and tell him he’s the most romantic man he’s ever met.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know if you like!!
> 
> i will bake all these goods for everyone


End file.
